Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
