we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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