areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
