Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
