Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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