Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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