Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the room spins SO much faster in panama
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
