He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
