her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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