running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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