Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
