Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
