idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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