Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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