your thong is hanging out like whoa
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
