she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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