I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
