Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
