They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
