The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
