My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
