Barsexuality is the new black.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
