A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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