i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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