so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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