i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
