I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
