last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
