..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
