best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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