god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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