dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
