It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
