I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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