in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
