i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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