actually, I'm a sock model
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
vagina is talking i cant
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
