OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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