So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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