I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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