I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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