lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
