I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
