dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
