she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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