So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize