I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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