Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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