So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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