saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
