She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Let's paint friendship bongs
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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