After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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