If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
