dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
