Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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