in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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