hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
