omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
