I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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