make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
