maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
