I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
