Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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