If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
