I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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