using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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