Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
