WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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