Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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