Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
