there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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